LittleOneee=)

It’s only been six days and it feels like forever …. and its been over two weeks since I’ve even laid eyes on him. I miss him. I miss him a lot. But why do I feel like its a crime to? Smh, I feel like I’m gonna relapse. But I also feel like that was the last straw. He’s not gonna take me back ….. I’ve done this “I think I wanna be done with you” thing too many times …….. I don’t even know what else to say. bbl

Dont you know how you hear those stories where a couple has all these problems, then they both go their seperate ways and get into another relationship .. and somehow find their way back to each other in the end? I wonder if that’ll be us. We kinda did that before .. but he made a wrong turn and fucked things up -__- Im just really impatient though. Like people say “ohh, maybe he’ll come back in his 2nd yr of college” .. thats two  years from now ! Im impatient. I wish I could see what the future holds. Like is this really the end of us? It happened so fast. One day we’re trying to work it out, the next we argue and the very next I threw in the towel. Smh ……. I keep second guessing my decision and Im trying not to let little things get to me. Ugh, this letting go process will be the uttermost death of me.

My mind is really blank right now. I dont know. I feel like I made the right decision .. but at the same time, Im not sure. I was talking to Joy today about a bunch of things. Basically, if he cares enough and he really wants this, then he WILL be back around. Period. He knows how to contact me and he knows how to get my attention. As much as I think I want to, I cant give in. I have to show that Im serious about this. Something needs to change. If I keep pretending to leave and I give in everytime, he’s no longer threatened by it. *sigh* at this point, Im just venting. I dont know, smh. I think the idea of change just threatens me. I got comfortable w where I was, whether I was happy all the time or not .. I was comfortable. Its like having a bottom bitch, sortof. He was just always there. Even when we didnt talk for days .. when we finally talk again, things are the same. Nobody can tell me that he didnt love me and he didnt care. Cause he does. He did things and paid attention to certain aspects that someone w an “idgaf” attitude wouldnt pay attention to. We held on for a long time and put up w alot of shit. That means SOMEthing. It just has to. Ohkay, now my mind has gone blank again … bbl