Abunchofnothing.
My mind is really blank right now. I dont know. I feel like I made the right decision .. but at the same time, Im not sure. I was talking to Joy today about a bunch of things. Basically, if he cares enough and he really wants this, then he WILL be back around. Period. He knows how to contact me and he knows how to get my attention. As much as I think I want to, I cant give in. I have to show that Im serious about this. Something needs to change. If I keep pretending to leave and I give in everytime, he’s no longer threatened by it. *sigh* at this point, Im just venting. I dont know, smh. I think the idea of change just threatens me. I got comfortable w where I was, whether I was happy all the time or not .. I was comfortable. Its like having a bottom bitch, sortof. He was just always there. Even when we didnt talk for days .. when we finally talk again, things are the same. Nobody can tell me that he didnt love me and he didnt care. Cause he does. He did things and paid attention to certain aspects that someone w an “idgaf” attitude wouldnt pay attention to. We held on for a long time and put up w alot of shit. That means SOMEthing. It just has to. Ohkay, now my mind has gone blank again … bbl
